"Who was that?" The friend who was sitting on my co-driver seat just hung up his phone and sighed silently.
"My colleague. He asked me to replace his shifts for tomorrow night because his assignments due is near." Meanwhile, he scrolled his newly-changed Iphone 7 and checked on his schedule calendar.
"So you don't have any assignments?" My words struck one as sarcasm.
"I have... and I haven't start yet." He muttered.
"Then why did you agreed to help him?"
"Aiya, my due is next Friday, I still have plenty of time." He came up with an excuse.
"Are you sure?" I wasn't doubting his abilities to finish his assignments in time, I was just trying to remind him.
Remind him about his own priorities.
There are plenty of friends of mine always played a good-person role. They think that they should help the others once they have the space and ability to do it. They are real good. They would really back you up whenever you really need their shoulders. And I cherish these angel-liked people exist around me.
But the problem to me is always the people that you're helping.
Are they really worth your time and delayed of your own schedule to help them out? The problem here is that people often do not feel good to turn down the others. They don't feel right to say No to their friends, or even strangers. So they always complained after agreeing to help their friends out.
I used to be like them when I was younger few years ago. I felt that if I could help the others to lessen their burden, why not? I would be happier.
But after years doing such 'good' deed, I realized one thing.
I don't feel happy genuinely if I was half-ly forced to help someone out.
Half-ly force means that I wasn't fully willingly to help them. I helped because I thought guilt would overwhelmed me if I didn't do so.
But why did the guilt drowned me so hard whenever I tried to decline to help the others? I mean I do not hold any duties or responsibilities to ease everyone. I wasn't a Superhero after all.
I guess it was due to the reputation concern.
Everyone was trying to be a good person in front of anyone. No one would wish the others mock them at the back.
"Tell you ah, that XXX very selfish lorh. I asked her to help me to .... but she didn't want to."
That was the line that most of us would afraid of.
I afraid of that as well. However, I started to wonder how could we even be a good person if we didn't treat ourselves properly.
Same thing happens to when we receive invitation of gathering or party. It's always a dilemma to choose over nap time or gathering.
So you just have to question yourself one thing: Do they worth your nap time or rest time at this moment?
If yes, then go ahead to meet them. If no, come up with excuses to turn down their invitation in polite way is nothing wrong. It simply means you need sleep more than them at that particular moment. It wouldn't mean that they aren't important to you. It is just the matter of which one is your current preference at the very moment.
Soon, I learnt to prioritise my own personal time and rest time over the other duties. I would always turned down any offers or requests if they don't worth my sacrifice over my priorities. And I don't think it is a wrong thing to do. Because everyone would have their own commitment. I don't ask for anyone to complete my commitment, even if that happens, I don't force anyone to help me out.
No one would force anyone to help them right? You have to know that everyone has the rights not to help you. So don't ever blame anyone for refusing in lending you a hand. At the end of the day, if someone helps you out, you should be grateful, but if no one is that kind enough to do so, solved the shits that were on your own shoulder. You have to learn to do that. Everyone does.
Helping people should always be pleased and volunteering. If you don't feel that way, you have the rights to reject them. Or if you don't feel easy to reject them directly, come up with proper excuses would make people understand that you're not able to help them out. And do not have to feel guilty right after that, because you have your own freedom to choose over your own priorities than them.
Even if you have nothing to do at that time but you feel you wanna have some nap because you are tired, don't feel embarassed to reject the invitation or request. You are fully in charge of your life, so you have the right to make the choice.
Sometimes, being selfish is not selfish at all.
It's all about self-love.
"My colleague. He asked me to replace his shifts for tomorrow night because his assignments due is near." Meanwhile, he scrolled his newly-changed Iphone 7 and checked on his schedule calendar.
"So you don't have any assignments?" My words struck one as sarcasm.
"I have... and I haven't start yet." He muttered.
"Then why did you agreed to help him?"
"Aiya, my due is next Friday, I still have plenty of time." He came up with an excuse.
"Are you sure?" I wasn't doubting his abilities to finish his assignments in time, I was just trying to remind him.
Remind him about his own priorities.
There are plenty of friends of mine always played a good-person role. They think that they should help the others once they have the space and ability to do it. They are real good. They would really back you up whenever you really need their shoulders. And I cherish these angel-liked people exist around me.
But the problem to me is always the people that you're helping.
Are they really worth your time and delayed of your own schedule to help them out? The problem here is that people often do not feel good to turn down the others. They don't feel right to say No to their friends, or even strangers. So they always complained after agreeing to help their friends out.
I used to be like them when I was younger few years ago. I felt that if I could help the others to lessen their burden, why not? I would be happier.
But after years doing such 'good' deed, I realized one thing.
I don't feel happy genuinely if I was half-ly forced to help someone out.
Half-ly force means that I wasn't fully willingly to help them. I helped because I thought guilt would overwhelmed me if I didn't do so.
But why did the guilt drowned me so hard whenever I tried to decline to help the others? I mean I do not hold any duties or responsibilities to ease everyone. I wasn't a Superhero after all.
I guess it was due to the reputation concern.
Everyone was trying to be a good person in front of anyone. No one would wish the others mock them at the back.
"Tell you ah, that XXX very selfish lorh. I asked her to help me to .... but she didn't want to."
That was the line that most of us would afraid of.
I afraid of that as well. However, I started to wonder how could we even be a good person if we didn't treat ourselves properly.
Same thing happens to when we receive invitation of gathering or party. It's always a dilemma to choose over nap time or gathering.
So you just have to question yourself one thing: Do they worth your nap time or rest time at this moment?
If yes, then go ahead to meet them. If no, come up with excuses to turn down their invitation in polite way is nothing wrong. It simply means you need sleep more than them at that particular moment. It wouldn't mean that they aren't important to you. It is just the matter of which one is your current preference at the very moment.
Soon, I learnt to prioritise my own personal time and rest time over the other duties. I would always turned down any offers or requests if they don't worth my sacrifice over my priorities. And I don't think it is a wrong thing to do. Because everyone would have their own commitment. I don't ask for anyone to complete my commitment, even if that happens, I don't force anyone to help me out.
No one would force anyone to help them right? You have to know that everyone has the rights not to help you. So don't ever blame anyone for refusing in lending you a hand. At the end of the day, if someone helps you out, you should be grateful, but if no one is that kind enough to do so, solved the shits that were on your own shoulder. You have to learn to do that. Everyone does.
Helping people should always be pleased and volunteering. If you don't feel that way, you have the rights to reject them. Or if you don't feel easy to reject them directly, come up with proper excuses would make people understand that you're not able to help them out. And do not have to feel guilty right after that, because you have your own freedom to choose over your own priorities than them.
Even if you have nothing to do at that time but you feel you wanna have some nap because you are tired, don't feel embarassed to reject the invitation or request. You are fully in charge of your life, so you have the right to make the choice.
Sometimes, being selfish is not selfish at all.
It's all about self-love.
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